The wisdom of Insecurity

Groovy, old Alan Watts wrote a hip little book illuminating ( for the jazz-listening, beret-wearing, beatnik-crowd) the fundamental Buddhist contemplations on impermanence. 

I've read the book lots of times over the years, but these past few weeks have given Jon and I more visceral opportunity to absorb its concepts.

We float around in this strange and wonderful sea, surrounded by beauty and death.

The sunsets are impossible. 

The wind can make you crazy.

The phosphorescence beneath the boat are a mirror reflection of the milky way above...

Seeing these things will make you disappear.

We found out by email sent to us over the radio waves, that we sold our house.

Our home, near our family and friends.

The one we built with love. 

The one where we went sledding with the neighbor kids on snowy days. 

The one with the vegetable garden and a wrought iron gate, made by a friend.

We drift around on our anchor and the chain leaves elaborate patterns in the sand beneath the boat. We are pushed by tide and wind.

Our tracks are gone a moment later.

There is no proof that we were even here.

The pufferfish congregate in the shadow of our boat.

They are plotting something and everyone down here knows it.

Life has become one long mediation.

There is no noise. 

There is no desire other than to jump in the water.

Thoughts move slowly. You see each one as it floats by.

You wonder why it's there.

Then you fall asleep.

Ambition is a pointy word.

I used to think it was an arrow, now, I think it's a thorn.

We went for a walk with some new friends the other day. These people were really cool. They have sailed down here for years and they know how to find the bones and teeth of things that lived thousands of years ago. They taught us how to search the cliffs for fossils- Great white teeth and whale vertebrae. We learned how to sift through the flotsam on the beach for paper Nautilus and Puka shells.  The kids swam back to the boat and discovered baby lobsters, not more than an inch long, living in tiny holes in a rock. We ate raw clams, fresh from the sea, with hot sauce and lime juice. 

Kai has learned to free dive so well, that soon, he will start spearfishing. Our new friend is an expert spear fisherman and he taught Kai how to make his own bands for Jon's gun.

Hunter and I were diving the edge of a drop-off the other day. We were holding hands and swimming along, following a school of baitfish. The visibility was good, we were in about ten feet of water over a rock face that dropped off to fifty feet.  As we swam along the edge, Kai appeared from below. He had been stalking us from the depths. He pointed his "pretend" gun at us and smiled. 

 "Bang" he mouthed through his mask. 

If we had been a Leopard grouper, we would have been dinner. 

To watch Kai underwater, is to witness someone doing the thing they were born to do. Sometimes I think he's the reason we are all out here. No matter how hard we were trying in Hollywood to make something happen, the ocean was calling to Kai the whole time. 

It's strange to us still, that we're out here.  We talk about it constantly.

When you spend your whole life working towards a goal( like Jon and I have )and then something else steps up and presents itself with seemingly less obstacle and more pleasure, it's hard to shake off the feeling that you are being called in a new direction. 

We have no idea where we will go. We have no idea what we will do. We have no idea how we will make any money.

For the first time in either of our lives, we are completely and totally satisfied with where we are and what we are doing.

We feel, at the end of pretty much everyday here, grateful, happy, clean and healthy. Our self esteem is in tact. 

We have much to learn and do but there isn't anything frantic about it.

Life is very good, very cool, right now.

This is the wisdom of insecurity. 

It's  "Pura Vida", baby.

Isla Monseratte

fossils

Chivalry

Seal bones

Mako tooth

Father's day smiles

Pelican skull

Looking for treasure

sweet girl

silly girls

Heading home

A treasure trove

 Guests and evening entertainment on Pura Vida

Tea party

The extraordinary Zada finds another tooth

Zonked after a long day